My Year in Redding

If you would of asked me just 6 months ago what I wanted out of life, I would of told you that I didn’t want to waste my life on insignificant people or things. I would of told you that life is too short to make careless mistakes and that you should find out what you are passionate about, and run with it.

Six Months

It’s been six months since I moved to Northern California and have called the beautiful city of Redding my home. It’s in this beautiful city that I have met the people that have most impacted my life. People that have taught me what God intended for “family” to look and act like. I have met people who have laid down everything in search for the “incredible” that God promised them in different ways. People that chose to chase after the uncertainty of tomorrow holding on to the goodness of God that brought them to where they are today. A group of individuals characterized as “crazy” by world standards for leaving great jobs, opportunities, and the security that this world offers knowing that life is too short to live your life afraid of what the future holds, or of what people may think of you.

I have never been more surrounded by such a group of dreamers and creatives who will stop at nothing to follow Jesus to the ends of the earth. People who are not afraid of failure but in fact are inspired by the beauty scars hold when you fall and are able to pick yourself back up and try again tomorrow. If there’s one thing that I have learned these past few months, is that the world will try to isolate you in hopes of drowning out your vision of what you were created for. We were not made for isolation, but for connection. We were made in the beautiful image of the one who first showed the world what love looks like. We were made to live in unity but diversity, learning and growing from the people around us that are mirroring images of who God is. The melody created by simple notes on a piano, the rain that falls from the sky and waters the plants, the laughter of a baby, and the colors of a sunset. All are mere versions of who God is, all pointing us back to the original masterpiece of heaven.

Growing up

This has been a year of growth and trust. There have been challenging moments that have made me question everything inside of me all for the purpose of what tomorrow holds. Moments that broke me only to build up an even stronger foundation. There have also been moments where I have begun to live out of hopes and dreams I once had for myself long ago not knowing that quietly God was listening to my dreams long before I even dreamt them up.

With growth comes sometimes uncomfortable space. Space that gives you the ability to expand and view past and present trials with new lenses.

With trust comes love in it’s purest form. Trust has to come from a place deep inside of you that is willing to let go of human reasoning in order to live from a place of complete peace. Every healthy relationship is built on trust because you give the person you choose to love everyday the power to choose you back. The beautiful thing about putting your trust in God is that he will never stop choosing you.

This year I have learned to not take myself too seriously all the time. I have learned that everyone has a different walk in life and it’s okay to say goodbye to people whose friendships you have grown out of in order to make way for new ones. I have learned that everyone’s past looks different and that even when no one quite understands the pain you’ve gone through, your pain is not overlooked or unseen because God sat through it all with you. I learned that we were not built to walk around carrying the shame or brokenness of our stories, but we were made to live completely free from the labels the world decided to give to us long ago. I learned that you don’t have to make the perfect choice all the time, but you should always include God in your choices. I learned that even if it’s just a few months you spend getting to know someone, you have the magnitude to impact that person’s life and they you, and even though you may not understand the way life plays out sometimes one day it will all make sense. I learned that we shouldn’t live in fear of being insignificant in this world, because you have already impacted someone’s life in one way or another. Even if for this moment in time however small or big that impact was on that person, they will always remember you as the one who made them come alive.

 

 

Phoenix to Redding

It’s been a while since I wrote the words that have been on my heart. I’ve stayed quiet because for so long I didn’t know how to overcome the fears that other people had put on me. It’s the middle of February and lately the only thing I keep hearing is “What’s your plan after college?”, “What job opportunity are you going to take?”, and “You have to start settling down and get a big girl job now that you’re almost done with college”. For so long I’ve kept quiet because some part of me believed the lies that I had to get my life on track in order to be successful. That for some reason I was going to have to start making even bigger decisions for myself like getting a full time job and move out of the house and so on. We live in a world where people will always set that bar high for you. People will always voice their opinion on what you’re lacking but those are the moments that we have to stop and reflect on what heaven is saying. It’s in the middle of our doubt that God longs to make himself known to us. One of the biggest misconceptions I had about God was that I had to be perfect all the time. I couldn’t ever allow myself to break down or have bad days because I thought that we had to represent the best version of God in this world, and God was perfect. This is the biggest lie you could ever tell yourself! God never created you to be perfect all the time, nor does He want you to. All He wants is our hearts. The good, the bad, the ugly. He wants us to not push him away when life gets hard because He’s the only one who knows how much it hurts. These past few months have been a rollercoaster of emotions. I’ve had incredible days, and days where I didn’t want to get out of bed and face this world. What’s funny is that He wants to go through it all with us. He doesn’t care how messed up you think you are, or the situation your in is, He just wants to be present.

I graduate in 2 months and I’m not worried. I don’t really know what my life will look life and I’m okay with it. The good thing is that God doesn’t care how much money you make, or if you have your whole life planned out because He already does. For the longest time I’ve wanted to travel and walk in the fullness that God created me to be, but there’s always been things that arise that take up my full attention. For some reason even after I push God away He never leaves. He’s always there in the quiet, waiting until we realize we need him and want him back, and then He points us north again.

Why Phoenix

______________

I’ve never been one for a plan. In fact I used to hate planning because it meant that I had to have everything figured out. The other day I was at the lake watching the sun shine on the horizon illuminating the water in a way i wish I could engrave in my mind. In that moment I reflected over the past 4 years I’ve had in the desert. When i first found out I was moving to Phoenix I was excited to get away and make a life for myself, but I did’t know how what that would mean. I didn’t know how many things I would have to sacrifice, how many nights I would spend angry that God chose the desert of all places for me to call home. Now that my time is almost up it’s almost sad that I’ll have to leave the place I found myself. There may not be an ocean, or cold weather during the winter, and extremely hot summers, but this was where I learned more about myself. It’s funny how the name (Phoenix) is a bird that built its own pyre and then was reborn from the ashes. I’m learning to understand the way that God works. With Him there is no room for coincidence, and He creates everything with purpose. He sent me here to rebuild my life from the ashes and to find who I was created to be.

What’s Next

_________________

Up until last Thursday i had no idea what my life would hold after April 26th, and to be honest I wasn’t really worried. I’d been offered a job opportunity to move to Amsterdam to do what I love most, but something did’t feel right about this opportunity. Another option was to move back to LA and to work in the film industry, but that too felt like I would be settling. In December I decided to apply for Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry in Redding CA. I had been waiting for 4 years to finish college to finally apply, and now that the time was up I wasn’t sure if this was the fullness that God wanted for me. I had been so filled with the doubt that people had subconsciously placed over me for the past few months that I didn’t want to take a step into any direction out of fear of missing out on the greater, the incredible. This past Thursday I had my interview and during the interview I knew exactly this was the place that God had called me to be. Four hours later I got accepted and just like that I have a plan. Through this process God is showing me that His ways will always be better and higher than our ways. God can change anything in a moment if you will only say YES.

In September I will be moving to Northern California with no plan, but with a longing to see God move in ways I’ve never seen before. Thousands of students will be sacrificing everything to go to a small town to have their lives changed forever, and I could not be more excited.

xoxo

Karina

Amsterdam – Netherlands

       “Human greatness does not lie in wealth or power, but in character and goodness. People are just people, and all people have faults and shortcomings, but all of us are born with a basic goodness.” – Anne Frank

    Thoughts   

       It seems like only yesterday I was riding a bike through the old cobblestone streets of Old and New Amsterdam, admiring the tiniest of details hoping my mind would remember every single thing so that I could never forget that moment in time. Northern Europe is such a different culture to the one I was raised in, but it still calls to me with the differences I experienced while exploring this beautiful city. I learned that art is a form of language that any culture or person can understand if looked at with a certain perspective. I learned that music is soothing to the soul even when you’re so exhausted from walking way too many miles up and down small canals. It’s the music that fills the streets that somehow eases the blisters on your feet from constantly wearing the wrong shoes when traveling. It’s those little memories that make me smile at those experiences because they made the adventure authentic and unique.

Hello, Goodbye

       People often ask me what my favorite part of the city was, If it was the fact that one of my favorite romantic movies was filmed there ;The Fault in Our Stars, if it was the beautiful tall people that seem to inhabit The Netherlands, or if it was simply the rich historic background that is offered throughout the country. Although all those things did make me love this place, it’s none of those that actually changed my life. What changed my life was being able to meet girls who are my same age that are stuck in an alternate reality to mine. Girls that somehow along the way have lost the spark in their eyes and have turned to the night life in Amsterdam. It wasn’t seeing them that changed me, but it was hearing each and every girl’s story of how they once had dreams as little girls to be somebody one day that really broke me. When I got to speak with them it wasn’t a grown woman I was talking to, but it was another girl with my same age, and the only difference was that she grew up in a different place than I did. I watched as window after window these girls had lost their child-like smile and had turned into tough beings because of their circumstances. It’s in the middle of these situations that I can’t help but question God. What do I have to offer these girls if I have not been through the same or even similar situations? How can I change a cultural norm if I am just one person? – Well what God has been teaching me little by little, is that it’s not about changing the whole world at one time. It’s about loving the person in front of you well. Serving them and showing them who Jesus is. We are on this earth for one purpose, and that is to be Jesus to those people who have never met that name before. It’s so easy to overwhelm ourselves with looking at the big picture thinking, “I cannot change a whole city, or even a culture”, but in reality God just wants you to be Jesus to them. In my case I ended up sharing my story with a lot of the girls I met that day. I shared how it was through perfect love that was freely given for me that helped me soften my heart to all those people that had hurt me, even the ones that I thought I would never recuperate from. I was able to share hope, something they had seemed to lose sight of. The hardest part for me was not seeing all this in first person, but it was leaving it behind that really hurt the most. Most of those girls I probably will never see again, but they marked my heart so much that I will never forget that that exists. That sex trafficking is and has to be constantly fought, and that saying nothing will never be the answer. So to answer the question, my favorite part of this experience was being able to be a part of something greater than myself. Although visiting the Anne Frank house, seeing the Van Gough museum, taking a dinner boat cruise through the famous Amsterdam canals, and having the best wine and cheese in the world isn’t and will never ever come close to the immense privilege it was to meet and hear the girl’s stories. What I have experienced and seen is that material things will come and go, but our stories will last forever. It’s what you do with your life that really makes everything worth the while.

       Sometimes I think that God allows us to see bits and pieces of brokenness so that we can stand up and do something about it. It might not change the whole outcome overnight, but what God starts he will soon finish.

 

 

 

Your Story Isn’t Over Yet.

You still have breaths to breathe, joy to encounter, and experiences to live.

Lately I’ve been at lost for words and haven’t quite known how to express all these emotions I’ve been feeling. Life has gotten in the way of my plans and once again I find myself looking up into the heavens wondering what I did wrong, and why I thought I could handle it alone…

Taking a week off from classes, responsibilities, work, and regular life brought a new and much needed refreshment I didn’t know my soul needed.

So where do I even begin?

We begin at the very beginning and we move our way up the ladder from where we first fell. What a beautiful struggle our stories are. Each and every person I’ve encountered has a beautifully flawed story just like mine, but we learn so well how to mask it. Some days we feel like we can just burst from excitement when things are going just as planned (or even better). And some days we feel like the world is against us making our problems big, and us smaller. So where does this leave me? Well… I’m learning how to worship through every atmosphere I encounter. Not everyone in life will necessarily agree or like you, and you have to be okay with it because we are all subjected to our opinion. God recently convicted me about something I’d been doing wrong for a long time. I’d been quick to love, but also quick to push people away when they hurt me. God’s love for us is not from a distance, and that’s what I’d been doing for so long. It’s almost like a mechanical reaction, an instinct created by ourselves to protect our hearts. But the reality of it all is that we have to be in a place so anchored in our identity in Christ, that even when people hurt you (which will happen often) you will not be quick to judge or pull away. I’m still struggling with the concept of grace, but there is a grace that abounds deeper than any ocean we have ever seen. There are new levels of God’s heart yet to be discovered that the first step is to accept the love for yourself. Love can only be given once it is fully received, and grace can only be given once grace is fully embraced. Your life is living proof that there is a God who is yearning for an intimate relationship with you.

“I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful,
    I know that full well.”

Psalm 139:14

This scripture is proof that the creator of the universe, and the same God that chose you by name made YOU in his image and longs to be reunited with you again, all you have to do is say yes. This means looking at yourself with different eyes. Instead of seeing all the imperfections, begin to look at yourself through the eyes that made you in the same image of God.

Learn how to worship through the pain

The moment Jesus becomes greater than the problems in our lives, faith becomes easier and we are able to see more clearly the beautiful horizon we’d been longing to see for so long. Learn how to serve from a place of love, and God will honor you because of your heart, not your acts. Worship is not about giving your best all the time, but it’s about giving everything you have even when you don’t have much to give.

“Then Mary took about a pint of pure nard, an expensive perfume;
    she poured it on Jesus’s feet and wiped his feet with her hair.
    And the house was filled with the fragrance of the perfume.“

John12:3

So whether these words spoke to a hidden part of you buried deep inside, or not, don’t let anything you do be meaningless. Life a life filled with a purpose, and know that your story isn’t over yet and there’s so much yet left to live.

XoXo,

Karina 

New Seasons

“We desire to possess a beauty that is worth pursuing, worth fighting for, a beauty that is core to who we truly are. We want beauty that can be seen; beauty that can be felt; beauty that affects others; a beauty all our own to unveil…”

As this year comes to an end it’s crazy to think of what a journey this year has been. The countless airplanes I have boarded, the amount of stress that has forced me to my knees to look for God in what seemed like impossible situations, and yet the beauty that God has showed me in the process of waiting. I have learned a great deal through all the experiences I’ve had this year, yet still feel like I know nothing in the process of life. The countless friendships I have let go of, and the new ones God has brought me that has taught me how to appreciate and enjoy the now instead of looking towards the future. This year has taught me how to not plan ahead because God’s plan is so much bigger than our own minds could ever comprehend. I’ve laughed, and cried great amounts, I’ve been able to cross off things on my bucket list, and I crossed the threshold of “living in my 20’s”. A year filled with memorable moments that capture the beauty and pain all at once. Yet here I am still clueless as to how to do life sometimes.. the beauty is that i don’t have to do it alone. If there’s anything that I’ve learned this year is that everyday is a gift waiting to be discovered. Moving away from home has taught me how to fully rely on God for everything, sometimes physically and sometimes emotionally. Relying on people will only let us down, not because they mean to, but because we are all human. We all are fighting our own battles and our own temptations. What still blows my mind is that I haven’t even scratched the surface when it comes to knowing who God is entirely. He is a hidden beauty waiting for us to look and seek Him daily. Thats what I’m still learning how to do in the midst of every situation and every outcome. To find the hidden beauty in each broken and helpless situation. In the midst of friends letting you down, and in the midst of failed relationships there is a perfect love that is waiting to unravel us if we only chose to seek it out.

What I’ve really been noticing as the Holidays speed up is that “We the People” are always searching for something. We go out Christmas shopping, ask for shiny new toys, document our lives, eat a lot, but all for what if we don’t have the one thing central to who we were created to be? I don’t claim to have everything I want or need, and I don’t claim to know everything, but what this Christmas has showed me is that we will never “have enough” of what we are searching for. We will never be “The Best” at something because there will always be someone better than you. What good is it to have all the following on a virtual platform that brings you empty handed in real life? This year has been the most memorable Christmas yet simply because we spent it away from everything and everyone. This Christmas will consist of my mother and I drinking hot cocoa in the woods in Northern California away from the city traffic, the noise, and filled with lots of adventures in the cold.  If there is one thing I would ask for this upcoming New Year would be to increase my prayer life. To increase my dreams and aspirations with he Lord because He will take those dreams and run with them. If there is one thing that can fill that void in your heart of always wanting more, would be the beautiful One who created your heart and knows you by name. The one who longs to spend time with his beloved. This blog was inspired by the One that inspires me everyday to be better, and do better. I don’t do it to achieve the best version of myself because I more often than not have my bad days, but I do it because there is so much to be grateful for. In the midst of my darkest days I still found something to thank God for, and even if the situation was much worst than I could ever imagine, it’s what got me through the day.

So as Christmas Eve arrives, and the year ends, find something to be thankful for even if it is the smallest thing… And later on when you look back on that same day you will remember that one thought that changed your perspective on the situation. You’ll smile because you grew from it, and you’ll be ready to face whatever’s next.

 

If Time Could Only Tell…

Funny how the things that scare us the most end up happening right? I was always taught even as a child that I had to face my fears. Face my mountains because one day they won’t be mountains anymore. One day those big problems that once seemed unimaginable to cross, will be tiny specks in our review mirrors as we speed away into our next journey…

Lately it seems that I’ve once again been caught at a crossroads, (Something that seems to happen a lot lately). We are presented with choices everyday of our lives, and sometimes we take a step into the wrong direction and end up back where we started. It’s not enough anymore to be the dreamer that lives her life carelessly, but it seems that at some point in life, someone wakes you up from your dream, and you have to face the harsh reality. Words hurt, and we grow, we live, we learn, we meet the most amazing souls, and we meet those people that leave scars taking a piece of who we are with them when they leave. But if theres anything that I’ve learned from what I have been able to live through would be that moving on is a choice. We say we forgive when in reality we have that memory imprinted in the back of our minds fueling the hurt that never seems to go away. I have learned that the more I grow up, the more I wish I could throw the ball and run away abandoning everything. Most of the time I am reminded of how little I actually know about facing this world.  I am also reminded of where I come from and what family actually means.

For those of you who don’t know, I was raised in a very small town off the mediterranean coast in the province of Valencia Spain. I met my best friends when I was five, and since then they have left a mark on my heart. They became the siblings I had always wanted but never had. Even after moving to Los Angeles many years later, I felt like I left a part of my heart in that small town in Spain. I have had the most amazing opportunities while being able to study film and music following in my parents footsteps, but what most people don’t understand, is that although growing up in Spain was a huge privilege, it was also the hardest trial. At first I didn’t fit in, I didn’t understand Spanish culture or food, I missed my family, but I realized what a journey life actually is. Although we didn’t always have the nicest things, and we suffered the first few years there adjusting, it later on became the source of my happiness. It’s not until you are completely alone that you learn how to fully rely on God. My mother taught me how to really live by faith even when she seemed to lack it herself. God will never leave you, nor forsake you. He is the source of everything good, and even though we must walk out the hard trials that life presents us with, it is in our weakness that He makes us strong again.

Growing up in a different country really taught me how to value true friendships, and the importance of  family. Because of this, I am now able to say that the strongest person I know is my mother. We have walked through every season together and it has only made us grow stronger. Even now when we live hundreds of miles apart, we still walk out life together now more than ever because when mountains seem uncrossable, you lean on someone that will always point you to God.

So if there’s any knowledge that I have learned from my twenty years of living that I could share, would be to not waste time. Time is something that can never be brought back. Learn how to dance in the midst of the storm because one day that big trial will be just but a memory and you will have found out that you survived your biggest fear.

The Journey..

Sometimes God isolates you to spend more time with you. Sometimes we get so caught up in our problems that we forget to include our one and only solution. Sometimes we get so wrapped up in our future, that we forget the now.

This year has been different. This year God has isolated me in such a way where it has caused me to reach out into deep waters and completely trust in Him. I feel like we go through seasons in life, and once we grow out of it we become comfortable. We get bored, and look for attention in the wrong things, and that was where I was at last year. I became comfortable in my faith. Now I’m not saying you have to constantly feel like your world is falling apart to encounter God, but the moment we let go of everything, we allow God to move completely in our lives. We begin to live out our calling and our destiny. This year God has stretched, me tested me, and given me the option to completely follow Him, or to live a comfortable life. It has caused me to give up a lot of friendships, and things I never realized I idolized in my life. But nothing is in vain, and everyone and everything in your life has a purpose. God has asked me to give up so much for His sake, and even in the moment when I thought I could not give it up, He gave me the strength to let it all go. Friendships come and go, just like seasons. Some people bring the beautiful winter, and some people bring the summer, but those two seasons do not go together. A fear I have had almost all my life, was the fear of letting people down. It became such an obstacle that I was constantly working on how to please people, but I forgot the main person in my life; Jesus. Maybe it’s the fact that this summer caused me to grow in unimaginable ways, but I don’t want to waste my time on meaningless things anymore. God brings people into your life to help you grow, and help them grow, and it’s okay to let those people go. Who knows, later on down the line God might restore what was lost, but if we focus so much on holding on to them, we can miss what God has for us in our next season.

When you give up the things God wants you to willingly, He blesses you in unimaginable ways. He brings you new people to fill the void, and fill up your heart again. It’s only been a month since I have moved back to Phoenix, but it feels like it’s been years. I’m still learning how to trust in Him completely, but it is a process. You aren’t just born into your destiny, you have to overcome trials, live, and learn from your mistakes, but in the end you see the beauty from the struggle. You see the reason for it all, and it becomes so worth it.

“You are most yourself when you are wrapped up in your purpose, not your position.” – Steffany Gretzinger

Sometimes God only wants to see if we will fight for what we love. If we will fight for Him. He is a God filled with love, but He is also a violent God that will fight for his beloved, and we are that. We are the song thats on His heart, and the reason for the cross. Once I focussed on His love for me, I didn’t care where I was at. I didn’t care that even though miles separated me from my mother, He became my beloved too. he became my sole provider and the person I lean on when the world is unjust. I gave Him control over everything, and it has been a beautiful journey.

 

 

 

 

Let Go

“You will seek me and find me when you seek me with your whole heart.” – Jeremiah 29:13

Looking back on just three months ago I faced a trial I never thought I could ever conquer; fear of loss. Its a real thing. People die everyday and we learn to live with the fact that someday it will be our day, but we never expect it to happen so soon, much less to those people that are closest to us. We come across painful trials that break every part of us, but somehow we keep living, and one day we wake up from that terrible dream with just a memory of it all. Three months ago I was waiting in a hospital room praying to God that He would hear the cry that was on my heart. Praying that He would come through for us like He always has. Praying that my mother, my best friend would keep living for my sake. And here I am today starting my first day of junior year of college, a thing I never thought I would ever get to accomplish. I don’t know why we go through certain situations, but I can tell you that He uses those situations for His good. He uses them so that once we pass through the fire, we can say that God is Good in every season of our lives. God never promised us that our walk with Him would be easy, but it would be worth it. Isn’t that what adventures are? Every good book and movie has a great adventure to tell, and thats where we come into place. He longs to live a great adventure with us, all we have to be is willing to say yes. When we say yes to God, He provides and makes a way where there is no way. He brings the right people into your life to build up your strength. He gives you the desires of your heart because He choses us everyday.

It doesn’t mean it’s going to be all great and fun all the time. It’s so easy to hold on to those things or people we fear of losing, but there comes a certain point in our lives when we realize we are not in control of anything. We go to bed each night believing that we will wake up the next day, but life gets in the way, and sometimes it really sucks. Sometimes we choose to run away from all responsibilities and long to be young again when our only care in the world was which toy we longed for next. This is my third year in the desert. Today marks three years of me going through hard trials, both emotionally, and physically. Three years of finding myself and my identity in Christ. Three years of Him stripping me of everything I thought I knew about Him, and showing me what it’s like to live by faith. Three years of me making mistakes but learning from them sometimes the hard way. It’s a process of Letting Go. Letting Go of everything so that we can fully grow into who we were each meant to be. This summer God taught me how to Let Go and Let God do His will. It’s the easiest, yet hardest thing we could ever do. It will challenge every part of us, it will make us think that we are making a huge mistake, but in the end it will bring us the greatest victory. Once we embrace that God will always be on our side, we begin to think differently. We begin to love people out of the same love we are shown each day. We begin to walk in the identity we were meant to always walk in.

“Yet this is the world God has made-a world that requires to love with risk. Because God wants us to live by faith.” – Wild At Heart

What does Letting Go mean? Well for me Letting Go means accepting the fact that I can’t always prevent bad things from happening. It means giving a certain situation to God knowing that even though it hurts, He makes beauty out of ashes. It means moving away from home pursuing a dream that others might criticize you for. It means having faith that God will take care of those people for you so that you don’t have to, it means saying yes to things that might hurt in the beginning, but will mature us and grow us into our unique identity in Christ.

Today I can proudly say that God chose to bring my mother back. I still don’t understand why such a painful process was necessary, but sometimes he allows these things to happen so that we can tell our story. So that people see how good He is, and that He will always provide for us even when it feels like he isn’t present. It is the process of letting go and allowing Him to do His will.

San Andres – Colombia

Beauty overwhelms us, enchants us, fascinates us, and calls us. -Fr. Andrew Greeley

Over these past few days I have been able to explore the beautiful island of San Andres Colombia. It’s waters are crystal clear, the people are the sweetest and the most giving, and it felt like a dream. I find it so funny how this place was only a plane ride away, in a different country where everything changes. We each live in our own time zones, with our own lifestyles, and our own problems and beauty. We each have our own battles that we fight daily, but all you have to do to get a dose of fresh air is leave your comfort zone. What a beautiful world we live in..

Spending a few days in this paradise was not enough. However, what impacted me the most wasn’t the scenery or the exciting adventures that I got to go on daily, it was the people. The people that serve daily without complaints. The people who live in unimaginable poverty and have only ever known that. How could I sit out on my balcony with my spectacular view, eating amazing meals when i knew that people only blocks away had never been as full as I. How unfair is it that I complain about slow wifi, my minimum wage jobs that pay my bills, my homework assignments and exams, when there are people who have never even known what school is or what it’s like because they’ve had to provide for their families at a young age. These people live off of hard working jobs that involve intense labor, and serving, and they still get payed less that I simply because they live in a country with a corrupt government. Society seems to think that if we have enough money, or if we marry the right person, if we finally have a family, if we travel, if we gain a lot of followers on social media, or if we fall in love we will finally have made it in life. We will be happy and be able to move on to better things. How simple of a thought, but how dangerous the feeling. To dwell on wants in life, and to live with the desperation of wanting to be whole, but to never achieve that goal. The more I travel, the more I see with my very own eyes how wrong that lifestyle is. Anywhere you go in the world, different people will live with that same mentality.

I was reading my favorite book one morning as I sat and looked out at the ocean contemplating these thoughts with the uncertainty of not knowing how to make a difference, and the page that I read spoke to me what I needed to hear in that moment; “The gift of presence is a rare and beautiful gift. To come unguarded, undistracted- and be fully present, fully engaged with whoever we are with at the moment.” – Captivating. When I read it I got it. What do people yearn for more than anything? Connection. They yearn for someone who will listen and talk to them about their lives. Someone that cares deeply, and will not judge or condemn them, they yearn for Jesus. I immediately started changing the way I interacted with people there. I started to really look into the eyes of the people that passed me and said good morning, asked them how they were, and slowly began to love on them the only way I knew how.

One night we were on our way to our dinner reservation at another hotel, and we flagged down the first taxi driver that we saw. His name was Alfonso and he seemed like he had been having a tough night. The moment we got into his car, he began ranting about people treating him  badly without respect, and yelling at him for saying no to their ride simply because they were being rude. All I could think about was how I could help change his night. My mother (who is my role model in everything I do) asked me if we should pray for him, and I agreed. I obviously was kind of nervous and unsure as to how he might react when we asked him, but I went with it. After we asked him, he seemed to be taken completely off guard but agreed. I started to pray for peace, and for God to show him how valuable he is in his eyes. I prayed for God to change his night for better, and to completely take off that burden off his shoulders. My mother also prayed for peace, and for God to change his night by blessing him with lots of good work . She prayed that he would encounter the same God that created the heavens and the earth. The same God that becomes our father and our best friend. Once we finished blessing him, he smiled and started to laugh. He said that he had never felt anything like he was feeling right then. He said he literally felt a weight being lifted off his shoulders and wanted to know what had just happened. I told him that God is not only a far away God, but he is a personal being who wants to be in our everyday lives. He gives us joy, heals our bodies, and wants to love on us. He was completely amazed and refused when we tried to pay him for the ride. It’s funny how when God gets in the middle of our relationships, he creates the sweetest bond. He became our friend on the island that wanted to take us everywhere simply because we had impacted his life, and he had impacted ours. It’s so simple but saying “Yes” to God and acting on kingdom impulse can really change situations. How do we bring that heavenly connection that people so desperately long for? We become fully engaged and present with everyone we encounter. We love on them and slowly we start to see the difference in the world.

 

Be Still

 

In an age of MOVEMENT, nothing is more critical than STILLNESS – Pico Iyer

Dear Reader,

How do we formulate those thoughts that have been on our hearts for the longest time, but seem so far away to share? We journal and begin to tell the truth…

Sometimes life tests us and tests our patience. People break their promises, let us down, and somewhere down the line they become the strangers they were before we knew their names. Maybe it’s a part of life but it doesn’t mean it doesn’t suck. Loosing friendships suck but it is inevitable. Not everyone will love you or accept you for who you are. Some people expect something in return for their friendships, but only few stand by you till the very end. For the longest time I have been struggling with comprehending what grace and love looks like for those that take a piece of our hearts when they leave. How can we continue to believe in the people that constantly let us down? How do we allow a perfect love to come in to our lives and wash away all the memories of the past? I’m not saying go and make the same mistake twice, but I’m saying that I’ve learned that people will always let you down. We are all human and are bound to hurt other people simply because we haven’t fixed the hurt in our own lives. We can begin to mend the hearts of the broken by loving them and forgiving their mistakes. We move on and know that there is a grace that abounds in deepest waters. We don’t move on for their sake, but for our very own because not forgiving will only harden our hearts. We let go even though every part of us wants justice to be done. We move on because that’s what Christ does for us every time we mess up. I’m not saying it’s an easy process because I’m still figuring out what that looks like. Sometimes it  starts with taking a day for yourself and exploring the beauty you can’t seem to find in your own life at the moment. Sometimes it means going and yelling at the ocean because that’s the one thing that is constant. Sometimes it even means going and loosing yourself in a big city to remind you of who you really are. Lately I’ve been in the process of being still and knowing that this too shall pass. Maybe it’s the part that sucks the most about growing up, but I’m learning how to enjoy the views.